I'm freezing

It's really not that cold, but for some reason, I am freezing. It hasn't really been that cold up here in the Pacific Northwest to say the least. It's actually been quite mild, and we just turned our heaters on this week. Normally we turn them on during the last week of October. The cold I feel is settling in my bones, like arthritis. I have discussed it with my doctor who said because of the family history of arthritis, I might have the beginnings of it, so I'm doing all I can to stop the cold from setting in. My husband recommended taking a cheap pair of gloves and cutting the fingertips off, that way while I'm working on the computer at work, my knuckles are protected. So far it works, luckily.

What I am not looking forward to is ice- I am deathly afraid of it. Having grown up in California it's not something I am used to, and even though we have been here for 5 years now, I still cannot get used to the ice that we get. I just hope that it's not so bad this year. I worry about missing work due to inclement weather, and know it's inevitable, but the loss of wages is a real fear I live with (who doesn't?). My husband is still working at his job but who knows what the future has to hold with the way the economy has been lately? Luckily I'm in a pretty secure job, but at the same time, I worry about my husband, who is our main breadwinner. We'll see what happens. I've taken the steps necessary to try to prevent a huge problem down the road but again, what we need are savings. It's kind of hard to do with impending medical bills, insurance for vehicles, and everything else that goes along with providing to maintain a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. I know we will make it though.

Speaking of work, my new position is going well, but it is very challenging, which I like, but I am mentally and even physically exhausted at the end of the day. I haven't delved into it deeper than what I have done already (still in the middle of training), but I am hopeful I will do a good job. It's a completely different field for me (same company, different department), which is why I chose it. We shall see what happens.

With that, I wish all Americans a very happy and safe Thanksgiving.

Random thoughts

-Is there a general stereotype that all plus sized people just wish to wear goth, renaissance or muu muu-like clothing? Herein lies my gripe: I go onto eBay to look for plus sized dresses and about 85% of the search is usually in those categories. Do we really all fit in that category? What about the working plus sized woman? Or the person who happens to be looking for a dress she can wear to a holiday party that doesn't look like it came from the Dark Ages (or that she can sleep in)? Seriously?

-Halloween was interesting. I went out last night to a local event, watched a costume contest and had a good time with some friends. Funniest part about it was I saw a lot of people dressed up as Sarah Palin! That seems to be a popular theme this year...anyhow...not going into politics, that is NOT my style, I just thought I'd mention it! Unfortunately it did not pan out for the child, who is coughing as I type this. We did not go trick or treating, but we took her to a local haunted house and to a friend's house for candy (asked to bring her by, so I obliged). Needless to say, my daughter was crushed, but this cough has been lingering for about 2 weeks now and it's not getting better. Work was fun, we had a costume contest and good food which was actually catered by the local Hilltop restaurant (shout-out!). They brought us some delicious breakfast burritos, trays of fresh fruit, coffee cake and sticky buns. It was a delicious feast and was very appreciated- thank you Hilltop!

-Work is going well on my end, unfortunately, my husband found out that his company is doing lay-offs and it's possible that he might be losing his job. He's been looking for a job in the meanwhile. He's always been interested in trucking, and while I'm not too keen on the idea of being a single mom for weeks at a time, unless he gets local routes, it is more money, I guess that is better, huh? Maybe we could finally be on our way to home ownership. *Sigh*. I'm a bit nervous about the possiblity of being the sole breadwinner, but we do not have credit card debt and are typically conservative with our money. We have not been eating out as much recently (with exception to this week because it's just been crazy), don't go out to do much, and typically only carry my student loans as debt which I am paying off (looking into putting them into forbearance once again if necessary). The only thing we lack, like most Americans, are savings. It's been impossible with my medical bills that have piled up, the cost of fuel and groceries that have gone up, not to mention all the other incidentals of daily life (like every other Average Joe out there), such as vehicle repairs. Don't get me started on my husband's Towncar. Our family vehicle might need a new transmission. Another *sigh*. Luckily he has his gas guzzler to get him to and from work, and I have my truck. And luckily gas prices have been coming down, but we're still trying to conserve where we can and combine all trips.

-In conclusion, after a few panicky moments on Wednesday and Thursday, I think the motto was "Life's a shit sandwich", but even if I stress out for a moment (or in my case, an entire DAY), I'll roll with whatever life throws at me. What's next? I gotta laugh...right?

Wow, where did October go?

We're already in the last week of October and I'm scratching my head. It has truly been a monumental month, needless to say. I turned 30 on the 11th, got a job in another (non-customer service) department and am transferring next week, soccer season just ended, and work has been incredibly busy lately.

With all of the craziness I decided I would start cooking again anyhow- I got into a mood to cook and pulled out this binder thing I am subscribing to (Great American Recipes or something) and made a few of their recipes. Of the few I made, Chicken Stroganoff and Spaghetti Lasagna were our favorites. The weirdest thing? I hate mushrooms. Now? I like them. It makes no sense at all, but I'm rolling with it. Miss Finicky (my daughter) even likes them, which surprised me as well. Now that it's getting colder, I'm getting in the mood to cook. It'll be no time before I pull out my good ole Crockpot Beef Stew recipe and make that again as well.

We're up in the Pacific Northwest, and I'm noticing that apples are more expensive this year (particularly my favorite- Honey Crisp) and that pumpkins are still green. It's very bizarre. We went to a local pumpkin patch a few weeks ago and we could not find a good pumpkin this year. We're probably going to pick up one at the grocery store. I read that it was just abnormally cold this year which is why the crops for pumpkins and apples are late bloomers this year. In any case, I cannot wait until Friday- and can I just reiterate how excited I am that Halloween happens to fall on a Friday night? How fun!

The frost is on the pumpkin

Yesterday morning while on my way to work, it was 34°F. Brrrrr. I had to put my winter gloves on to drive, the steering wheel was freezing. This is typically my favorite time of the year but with the funk I've been in, I haven't been enjoying it as much as I would like to. However, there is one exception to that, and it's HALLOWEEN, which falls on a Friday this year. How excited am I? How excited is my daughter? We're going to take her trick or treating (which we have never done because it usually falls on a school night or something else was going on) and probably to any other community event going on. We love Halloween. My daughter will be dressing up as Raven from Teen Titans, found a costume online, which looks like this:

I will be dressing up as a devil, well, kind of. I got the horns, pitchfork, a bowtie (which I knew wouldn't fit around my thick neck) and a tail. In the beginning of the year I had always said I wanted to dress up as Roz from Monsters Inc, since I could do a wicked impersonation of her.


It wouldn't be that hard to pull off that look. LOL. Maybe I'll be Roz next year.

We'll be going to get our pumpkins soon and do the whole horror movie thing as usual. As you probably already know, I'm a sucker for the original Halloween (don't get me started on Rob Zombie's vision, well at least the second half of it!), so of course that'll be one I watch.

Shut up and let me go

(Hey!)

I have no clue what is wrong with me, but it seems like depression has begun to rule my life yet again. I'm on Clonazepam for the anxiety and panic attacks I have been suffering lately, and while I go to work and do my job, I must admit the stress of customer service has gotten to me yet again but this time it's worse. It's not just work, it's also the fact that I turn 30 in a week from today, and while the actual number is not what is getting to me, it's the fact that my body is continuing to change in a very negative way. I am always tired, my body aches, my knees are giving me trouble, I'm dealing with more problems that only us females deal with that might actually push me into a hysterectomy sooner than later. I don't understand what is going on with me. As much as I appreciate my doctors I don't think they are taking me seriously- I have cried out for help and I don't think that they understand my pain (not just physical either). I reluctantly decided to ask my PCP for Clonazepam because of the panic attacks I have been dealing with. The exhaustion is getting to me as well, which is probably part of the reason I'm having panic attacks (I've had a couple of them at work recently which is not good).

Let's get back to the exhaustion which the PCP states could be a myriad of issues, most likely my sleep apnea, which I just started the CPAP for last night. It's not pleasant, because at first I go into a full-blown panic mode where I cannot breathe, because of the level the CPAP is on, but I have this "ramp" button where I can lower the level. I slept okay last night, but woke up several times even with this on. I had a very vivid nightmare where I had driven into this forest where spiders attached these webs that would find their way into my skin and I would try to pull them out, and in very graphic detail which I will omit, reminded me of a movie I watched about a month ago called The Ruins (I won't ruin it for you, ha ha). In any case, I thought it was real and normally in my dreams I can usually tell myself I'm dreaming- not in this case, I woke up scratching and pulling at my arm. Very creepy. I had some issues with the level of moisture as well, but of course I will continue to use it. I really think that besides the sleep apnea (and the horrible bed that needs to be replaced badly, but let's put it this way- how many of you have an extra $1200 on up laying around to buy a decent foundation and mattress? It's going to be a while and right now I'm going to continue to deal with the pain I'm suffering from that bed particularly in my hips, lower back and pelvic region) my problem is the Anemia. I just had a CBC (Complete Blood Count) done but I don't know what the results are. I don't think they are good because it's mostly gone untreated as I cannot tolerate iron. I am taking Slow Fe as I have mentioned before, but it's a VERY low dose. I've tried implementing more spinach, lean red meat, etc in my diet but it still doesn't help. The doctors are puzzled as to why I am not able to keep my blood count up. I don't have the family inherited Alpha Thalessemia, that was ruled out. It's frustrating.

In any case, if you are wondering what "Shut up and let me go" means, besides being this ultra catchy song by a band called The Ting Tings, it means I wish this depression/funk I am dealing with would just SHUT UP AND LET ME GO. Seriously.